I wasn't sure if I really needed Al-Anon. I didn’t feel I could relate to the pain and suffering of the wives and mothers of alcoholics. I hesitated until just before my spouse got out of an alcoholism treatment center before I finally attended my first meeting.
“At a lot of the meetings I attend I’m still the only male…”
It was quite an experience to meet with eleven women, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. I actually felt encouraged to come back. At a lot of the meetings I attend I'm still the only male, but that's okay. I've found these Al-Anon members and I share more similarities than differences. Although our experiences may be different, our feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and despair are the same.
Recently I heard a member share a portion of her experiences before and after Al-Anon, and it was as though she was telling my story. Pain and suffering affect men and women the same. How we react may be different, but I am surprised how many of us react the same way.
I have the opportunity to be involved in service work and I’m glad to see that there are a number of men who are involved. All of us are Al-Anon members trying to carry the message of help and hope to people whose lives have been affected by another person’s drinking. Now I know that all I really needed to make my life happy and serene was the program and our fellowship.
Reprinted with permission of The Forum,
Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA
The Tools To Change
By Marie S., Maryland
Changed attitudes can aid recovery. Of course, to me that meant his attitudes and his recovery. After all, there was nothing wrong with me or my attitudes. If he would only change and accept this wonderful program, I would be just fine.
Initially I just couldn’t comprehend why I needed to change. Wasn’t he the one with the problem? If he just saw how lucky he was to have me, everything would be all right. This attitude stuck with me for a long time. However, after attending many meetings and talking to anyone who would listen, I finally realized how much I needed to change my way of thinking. I had gotten myself into a rut or pit of self-justification and self-pity. My thoughts were, “If you lived my life, which was my horrible self-pity, you would do what I did, which was my self-justification.”
It seemed as though no one in my Al-Anon meeting was in the same place I was. They also were recovering from the effects of alcoholism, but their lives steadily moved forward while mine remained motionless. I began to realize it was time to rid myself of self-justification and self-pity and to accept that no one else was responsible for my happiness.
I didn't know how to change. Although change didn't come naturally, I used the Al-Anon tools to change what I could. After all, doing things the same old way was getting me nowhere. I soon found out if you do something long enough, even if it is uncomfortable, it becomes part of your life.
Respect and trust were especially difficult for me. It helped when I treated others the way I wanted to be treated – which brought back some of my respect for others. Having respect for others helped me trust them. This in turn helped me trust in a Higher Power.
I am grateful Al-Anon gave me the tools to change my attitudes.
Reprinted with permission of The Forum,
Al-Anon Family Group Hdqs., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA
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